Entering the Swinging Lifestyle: Soft or Full Swap?

When you first enter the lifestyle, a question you'll ask each other and will be asked by others is, “Are you a full swap or soft swap couple?” It's something to consider and know the answer to before you start to meet others, because the last thing you want is the awkwardness of not knowing. How do you decide? Well, it will depend on the two of you and perhaps on the other couple. The answer may even change depending on the situation. Remember, there are many ways to be comfortable as a swinger, and you need to find your own answers for yourselves as a couple. What's the Difference? Some people consider a soft swap to be just the ladies playing together but no exchanging of male-female partners. Others feel that no intercourse takes place with others in a soft-swap scenario. Of course, there are lots of other things you can do in a sexual situation besides intercourse! No matter whom you ask, it seems pretty clear that a full swap consists of the man in couple #1 having sex with the woman in couple #2 and vice versa. Naturally, if the couples are bisexual, there are other options that can occur in a full swap. Establish Your Ground Rules Whether you choose soft or full swap, if you want your experience to be successful, you MUST have ground rules as a couple. Let's say that again: you must have pre-established rules for what is okay and what is unacceptable. Some things to consider: Who gets veto rights? And how do you voice them? Will you have a “safe word” if one of you wants to end things immediately? Is kissing on the mouth acceptable? Girl-girl? Girl-guy? Guy-guy? Is bondage / S&M on the table? Will you play at home or only at a hotel? Who handles protection? Keep It Safe When hooking up with strangers, there's always the issue of safety. Will you go back to their house? Invite them to yours? Or is neutral ground a better bet? Determine what feels best for you ahead of time. If things change, you can always roll with the punches. Also, remember the protection! You don't want to find yourself in the process of meeting a great couple and then realize no one brought condoms, dental dams, or anything else. There's no worse mood killer. Keep the Communication Open If you have discussed expectations beforehand and considered any possible situations, maintain that level of open communication after the fact. Sometimes, feelings, concerns, and issues arise that you may not have anticipated. In some cases, you may realize that this isn't a fit, whereas in others, it might be just the thing that's been missing in your relationship!