Oh Gee Enterprises (x-rated software in Basic)

Way back in the '80's, believe it or not, the operating system of most PCs (DOS) had a built-in programming language (Basic) that made it possible for idiots like me to write software that would perform simple routines. In those days, when I got bored doing what I was supposed to be doing at work, I worked on writing software for an x-rated multi-player computer game. The game worked best with six to eight players of both genders. Using a multiple choice questionnaire, each player (in private) supplied certain information -- gender, age, and sexual orientation, primarily. But there were also questions that were supposed to give the game the ability to determine (or guess) what kinds of things turned a player on, how far he or she might be willing to go without getting too uncomfortable, and what he or she thought of the other players in terms of virility, strength, beauty, dress, appeal of selected body parts (face, breast, rump, legs, etc), humor, compassion, etc. Each player also indicated, on a check list, all the items of clothing he or she had on. In each go-around, the game began by selecting subjects and actors. For this I wrote several routines, which included such things as spin the bottle, stud poker, a roll of the dice, and random selection. In each round, there was to be only one subject, but there might be more than one actor, including the possibility that everyone other than the subject would be an actor, or that there would be no actor at all (other than the subject him/herself). Sometimes the routine (or combination of routines) would choose both subject and actor(s). Sometimes it would choose either the subject or the actor(s), who were then asked to select his/her/their counterpart(s). And sometimes it would choose two or more players to act upon one another. Having chosen actor(s) and subject, the game then selected an action. Theoretically, the choice of actor, subject, and action was guided by the personal information players supplied at the outset of the game. Actions ranged from the tamest (actor hugs or kisses or tickles subject) to somewhat risque (actor takes off subject's blouse, or other specified item of clothing, or actor and subject retire to the privacy of a bedroom or a dark closet, where they exchange underwear) to downright nasty. One of my favorites: Actor, selected by the computer, blindfolds the subject and leads him/her into a bedroom. The subject must passively accept anything and everything that happens there. The actor leaves quietly, and chooses from among the remaining players a second actor, who enters the bedroom quietly and undresses (or finishes undressing) the subject. This actor, in turn, selects a third actor, who has ten minutes to fondle the subject, after which the first actor returns, dresses the subject in the clothing removed by the second actor, lead the subject back to the game room, and removed the blindfold. The subject is then given the opportunity guess the identities of the second and third actors. Bringing any subject to climax during the game was specifically prohibited, but at the end of the game, when most all the players would be naked, they were allowed to pair for coitus, at which time they could expect the most explosive orgasms (on account of the postponed climaxes). Need I say: my progress in writing these scenarios and testing the software was considerably delayed by the frequent need to relieve myself of the sexual tension these activities engendered. Nevertheless, after three or four years, I had progressed to the point that I was just about ready to market my game. I planned to call my company Oh Gee Enterprises. Then my employer updated my office computer and my PC at home died. The Windows computers that replaced them did not have the embedded wherewithal to run programs written in Basic, making of Oh Gee Enterprises nothing but a wet dream.